When your child mirrors your wound: A personal story on parenting, intuition & generational healing
One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do as a parent was watching one of my children navigate a dysfunctional relationship - knowing deep down it wasn’t right for them, but also knowing that I couldn’t force them to see it before they were ready.
We’ve built a strong foundation of open communication, something I didn’t have with my own parents growing up. I’ve spent years doing the work: therapy, energy healing, coaching, inner child exploration, breathwork, generational trauma repair…all so that I could break the patterns I inherited and create something new with my children.
And honestly, it’s worked. My children talk to me. They share. They ask for advice.
So my husband and I waited. We held space. We hoped our child would come to the decision on their own.
But the relationship dragged on. And eventually, we stepped in. Not out of control or judgment; but out of love. Out of protection. You can imagine the wedge that drove between us for a while. Our child was heartbroken. They were angry. And I was left questioning:
Had I overstepped? Was I being overbearing? Should I have let them fall and figure it out on their own?
The mirror
In the quiet after the storm, I turned to my breath. I turned inward. And in a breathwork session, something clicked.
I suddenly saw myself at 17, the same age as my child. Just graduating high school, in an emotionally abusive relationship.
Except no one knew.
I had lied and told my parents I ended it.
There was no space for openness.
I was all alone. Scared. Stuck. Ashamed.
And in that moment, I saw what had really been happening between me and my child.
They were mirroring a wound I hadn’t fully healed.
And I was giving them the exact thing I had always wished someone had given me:
Someone to step in.
Someone to lovingly guide me out.
Someone to say ‘I see you, even in your mess, and I’m not going anywhere.’
I wasn’t controlling my child’s life. I was parenting with intuition, love, and healing. And I was closing a loop I didn’t even realize was still open.
The healing I didn’t expect
For years, I had worked with different modalities to address that old relationship, how I hid it, how it shaped me, how it made me feel small and alone.
But there was always something missing. Some piece I couldn’t grasp. Some part of the story that hadn’t fully integrated.
And then my child became the mirror.
They showed me what I needed to see, not just about them, but about me.
Healing doesn’t always come in a straight line. Sometimes it shows up 20 years later, wearing your child’s face. Sometimes it arrives through heartbreak. And sometimes, when you’ve done enough inner work, you can recognize it not as a punishment…but as an invitation.
Why I share this
I know how many of you are walking through these mirrored moments with your children. Or your partners. Or your bodies. Wondering why something hurts more than it ‘should.’ Wondering why an old wound feels raw again.
This is the work.
The layered, nuanced, soul-deep work of healing not just for ourselves, but for our families - past, present, and future.
What finally gave me the answers I couldn’t find through years of searching?
Inner child healing.
Simple, gentle, body-led practices that helped me understand not just what happened, but what I needed. And how to give that to myself and my children now.
If you’re walking through something similar, I want you to know:
You’re not overreacting.
You’re not failing.
You might just be healing something much bigger than you can see right now.
Want to explore this work in your own life?
Start with my free ‘Identifying Inner Child Wounds’ worksheet – it’s a gentle entry point.
You’ll find it inside Breathe & Thrive, my free online community for breath-led healing, somatic practices, and soul-aligned support.
We heal so we can parent differently.
We heal so our children don’t have to carry what we did.
And sometimes…we heal because our children unknowingly lead us back to the wound.