The inner child & generational trauma. How your childhood wounds might not be just yours
We often talk about inner child work as though our childhood happened in a vacuum - isolated events, remembered or not, that shaped our sense of safety, self-worth, or belonging. But the truth is, many of the wounds we carry didn’t begin with us.
This is the essence of generational trauma. It lives in our nervous systems, our attachment patterns, our learned responses to conflict or stress, and yes, it also lives in our children. Not because we failed them, but because they are part of the healing journey. (I wrote a lot about this last month, you can read it here, here and here!)
When your child becomes your mirror
One of the most powerful (and confronting) parts of parenting is watching your child struggle, and noticing how certain moments activate something much deeper in you.
If your child is going through something big, be it emotional overwhelm, friendship breakdowns, identity questions, transitions it’s worth taking a moment to think back:
What was going on in your life at the same age?
Were you navigating a big move? A family separation? Loss, neglect, lack of emotional support? Often, our children reflect back to us the age we still need to heal within ourselves.
Their emotional pain becomes a mirror, showing us what still lives inside us, unprocessed. Not so we spiral into guilt, but so we can meet ourselves (and them) with more compassion, clarity, and presence.
A real-time somatic practice to use during conflict
When you find yourself in an emotionally charged moment, whether it's with your child, partner, boss, or mother…try this:
Pause. Get quiet with yourself.
Ask: When have I felt this way before as a child?
Let your body answer before your mind jumps in.Locate the emotion in your body the tight chest, the pit in your stomach, the heat in your throat.
Gently begin to breathe into it, asking:
“What’s here for me?”
“What is this part trying to protect or show me?”With breath and intention, allow the energy to move. You’re not suppressing the feeling, you’re giving it motion, which allows for integration.
This is where somatic healing can change everything. You stop trying to mentally “figure it out” - and instead, you listen to your body as a wise, honest guide.
From reaction to response: Reparenting in real time
When you’re triggered, ask:
How would a child react to this?
How would a wise adult respond?
Which part of me is leading right now? The wounded child or the regulated parent within?
This isn’t about shame. It’s about reclaiming choice. You are not the child you once were, you now have the tools, the awareness, and the ability to choose differently.
That moment of awareness is the healing. That breath between the trigger and the response? That’s your inner child being reparented. That’s your lineage being rewritten.
Want to go deeper?
Inside my free online community, Breathe & Thrive, we explore breath-led healing, somatic awareness, and the beautiful mess of breaking cycles with grace and self-compassion. Join here
You’ll also find my new free download: ‘Identifying Inner Child Wounds’, a simple but powerful worksheet to help you name and begin healing your inner child patterns.
(Available inside Breathe & Thrive or via the link in my Instagram bio)
You don’t have to keep repeating the patterns you were raised in.
You’re allowed to pause, choose differently, and give your children what you never received.
That is the work. And you're doing it.